I used to do it first thing in the morning through the newspaper. Now I do it, still first thing, online. Raise your hand if you do it too. I know many of you do, especially if you are on the older side. Read the obituaries.

People joke that they read the obituaries and if their name is not in them, they go ahead and get up. Most of us daily obit followers are looking to see if someone they know has passed away without their knowledge.

Many people don’t list their loved one in the official obituary anymore because they have made posting outrageously expensive. I think my father’s in 2021 was almost 900 dollars for one day. Ridiculous. Funeral home websites post many obituaries nowadays. So, it takes some time to hit the various mortuary postings. Generally, I find at least one person a week whom I have known or who is a relative of someone I know or have known. I take a moment to say a prayer. If I can I will visit the funeral home to pay my respects. I know that people are nervous about going to calling hours. What does one say? It doesn’t really matter, does it? Just being there affirms the deceased person’s life and legacy for the family left behind.

As a person interested in stories, reading the obituary of a stranger can be illuminating, sometimes inspirational. While all deaths are sad for those who are left behind, some are a fond farewell to a long life well lived. Some are tragic. Some obituaries indicate the cause of death. Many do not, but those who die at a younger age always take my breath away.

Having written both my mother and father’s obituary there is both formula and art to summarize a life in a short amount of time. For genealogists, maiden names, parents’ names, even for people advanced in age, siblings and children are part of a historical record. Education and work history become a part of the narrative. Beyond that, when one sits down to highlight a life, it is the best qualities that are shared. This is when we think the very best of the person. It is not a time to highlight faults or failings.

Just reading through some obituaries on a given day I find the following quotes:

“Jeremy loved experiencing new adventures.  Jeremy had a contagious smile that never met a stranger and was loved by all who knew him.”

“Throughout his life, Scott demonstrated extraordinary strength, resilience, and determination. He faced significant health challenges with remarkable courage, supported by the unwavering love of his family and friends. Yet those challenges never defined who Scott was. He was so much more: a brilliant mind, a wonderful sense of humor and an adventurous spirit.”

” A loving wife, mother, grandmother and true friend to man. Teresa was a true woman inside and out. Her spirit was full of excitement, adventure and humor, and she moved through life with grace, kindness and strength. She will be deeply missed and lovingly remembered by all her knew her.”

Read any person’s death notice and you will find similar words of praise and affection. Is everyone who dies a special person? The short answer is yes. Because every person is a child of God. Even people with more failings than accomplishments are, hopefully, loved by others. This is what we think about when we remember the dead.

Have you ever wondered what will be written about you when you pass? What will your friends and family say about you at the funeral home, or gravesite or at the wake? Hopefully they will laugh as much as they cry when they recollect moments of happiness and joy that they shared with you.

At this time of the Feast of All Souls and the Feast of All Saints let us remember to try to live up each day to our best qualities, the ones that people will read about in our obituary. Let us aspire to be Saints even on those days when we are sinners. Let us live our lives so that people can say about us when we go. He is surely at peace in the hands of God.”

 Jim Silcott